I’ve never had a serious relationship since X’s dad and I broke up. I have to be honest, it was a nasty break-up and it took me several years before I could finally say “I’m okay”. It took me a while not because I still loved my ex but because I was just too busy looking for my nawawalang self-esteem and solo parenting at the same time.
Yes, there were a few guys I went out with a few years ago, but nothing serious. I always found myself taking a step back when it started to feel like I was getting too attached to the guy. Every time I found myself waiting for the guy’s call or text messages, I started to panic and found myself detaching from the situation. I know I was always guarded.
And I started to see the pattern. It was about me and not them. And I think this is not only me, it’s the same for women who went through a really bad relationship. I realized that I wasn’t really ready to get into the “dating game” again. I wasn’t ready to let a man come into my life again. I had a wall. Don’t get me wrong, I would like to believe that I was actually happy being on my own. Alam ko that I had a lot of emotional baggage and I wasn’t ready to share that with someone, I thought it was not fair.
One of the things I also realized was that I’ve gotten used to being alone that I do not know how to ask for help or receive help from people anymore. If someone was to offer help, my default reply was “No, thank you. I got this.”
But you see, when you’re destined to meet someone who will make you believe in love again, there’s no escaping it. A few months ago, I had a wall and I “strongly” believed that I wasn’t ready to take that leap of faith again.
And then someone came along. Someone who slowly broke down my walls. But hey, the start of the relationship was not a walk in the park. Since we worked together, we clashed a few times. But then I realized that I’ve changed over the years, I now know when to apologize when it’s obviously my mistake. I think I am more level-headed than the 29-year-old me. So yes, even with our differences, there were instances we had long conversations. And somewhere along those long conversations, we knew we clicked intellectually. And that started the whole “getting to know each other” routine.
It wasn’t easy for him. I was always guarded. It took me over a month before I initiated a call or text. It was always him. But yes, he was consistent that before I knew it, I started looking forward to his calls and his visits.
And now, looking back, I understand that my journey wasn’t about finding someone to fill a void, but about rediscovering myself and learning to trust again. This person, with his patience and genuine kindness, didn’t just break down my walls; he helped me rebuild them, brick by brick, with stronger foundations of self-worth and mutual respect. He showed me that vulnerability isn’t weakness, and that allowing someone in doesn’t mean losing myself. He proved that even after the most painful experiences, love can find a way, not as a desperate rescue, but as a gentle, unwavering presence that makes you feel safe enough to finally let go of the past and embrace the possibility of a brighter future.
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