Single Mom Survival: Week of Self-Sabotage
Life here in sunny Dumaguete has its own rhythm, a mix of the daily grind, the joys (and occasional dramas) of raising my 12-year-old, Xavy, and the delightful chaos brought by my two very opinionated dogs – a sharp Belgian Malinois and a sweet little Shih Tzu. As an INTJ-A introvert also juggling a full-time job and an online IT gig, downtime can feel like a precious, almost mythical creature.
So, the question that’s been bouncing around my head lately is: what happens when things actually… go well? You know those moments when deadlines align, Xavy manages to find his misplaced notebook on the first try, and even the dogs decide to have a peaceful nap simultaneously.
My immediate reaction? I breathe.
It’s a conscious pause in the perpetual mental to-do list. A moment to acknowledge the unexpected serenity amidst the usual whirlwind. Because if you’re anything like me, especially when you’re used to navigating life’s challenges with a certain level of independence, that feeling of “waiting for the other shoe to drop” can be surprisingly persistent.
And that, my friends, is where the sneaky beast of self-sabotage can sometimes rear its head.
For those of us accustomed to pushing through, to constantly being “on,” a stretch of smooth sailing can almost feel… wrong. It’s like our internal systems are so used to high alert that when things quiet down, a little voice whispers, “Don’t get too comfortable.” Or maybe even, “You’re probably forgetting something important.”
It’s not a deliberate attempt to mess things up, of course. For me, it might manifest as a sudden urge to over-analyze every decision, convinced I’m missing a crucial flaw that will unravel the current peace. Or perhaps it’s an unconscious need to fill the “empty” space with more tasks, a feeling that I need to be constantly productive to justify the calm.
I’m learning that this isn’t about being proactive; it’s often rooted in a deep-seated familiarity with struggle. When you’re used to climbing uphill, the flat terrain can feel disorienting.
So, what are some little nuggets of wisdom I’m trying to embrace to outsmart this self-sabotaging tendency?
- Savor the Stillness: That initial breath? Linger in it. Allow yourself to truly enjoy the peaceful moment without immediately anticipating the next challenge.
- Challenge the Negative Narrative: When that little voice pipes up with its warnings, question it. Is there actual evidence that things are about to go wrong, or is it just ingrained anxiety?
- Rest is Recharge, Not Failure: Especially for those of us juggling multiple responsibilities, allowing ourselves to truly rest during calmer periods isn’t a luxury – it’s essential for long-term sustainability. Think of it as refueling for the next adventure.
- Celebrate the Small Wins: Acknowledge the positive moments, no matter how minor they seem. Did a project go smoothly? Did Xavy ace a quiz? Did the dogs refrain from chewing on your laptop charger? These little victories build momentum and help counter the feeling of constant impending doom.
- Trust Your Resilience: You’ve navigated tough times before. Remember that strength and trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way, without needing to subconsciously create problems in the meantime.
Self-sabotage can be a subtle but powerful force, especially for those of us who are used to being the reliable ones, the problem-solvers. By recognizing those patterns that emerge even when things are going well, we can start to create a new habit: allowing ourselves to simply enjoy the calm, knowing that we’ve earned it and that it doesn’t necessarily mean a storm is just around the corner. Here’s to embracing the smooth sailing, however long it lasts!
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