Some of these I followed. Some I didn’t. All of them made me think.
It’s no secret that Xavy’s dad and I broke up after he cheated. I’d replayed the whole thing in my head more times than I could count, running through every what-if, every moment I might have missed. It didn’t change anything. The pain was still there regardless.
So I did what I usually do — I read. A lot. And somewhere in the middle of all that reading, I found this list from eHarmony on nine things to never do after a breakup. It made me question some of my decisions. Including the tattoo I was about to get.
The following is based on an article from eHarmony, with my own honest reactions after each point.
1. Don’t pretend you’re fine. Let yourself mourn. Cry. Journal. Punch a pillow. Be around people who will actually listen.
I did a lot of this — including crying at my desk at work more than once while talking to a colleague about the whole thing. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t still happen. It’s not a happy ending when someone cheats on you. It hurts, and pretending otherwise doesn’t help anyone.
2. Don’t try to be “just friends” right away. Create intentional space. If your ex is pushing for friendship before you’re ready, stand your ground.
This one I skipped, at least at first. I told myself we needed to stay in contact because of Xavy. And that’s partly true — but I had to be honest with myself that “we need to communicate about our son” was also covering for the fact that I wasn’t ready to fully let go yet. The space is necessary. The healing can’t happen without it.
3. Never seek revenge. The thrill of revenge only feeds bitterness. Forgive and carry your head high. Spend your energy on people who deserve it.
I keep this one close. The financial support question is different — that’s not about me, it’s about Xavy, and I will pursue that if I have to. But revenge for the betrayal itself? That I leave to time. Karma does what she does, and I don’t need to be involved.
4. Limit communication, at least for a while. Give yourself space to adapt to single life before reopening that door.
Communicating about Xavy is the exception — we’ve been doing that. But every time he starts asking about my personal life, whether I’m seeing someone, I shut it down. I only talk about Xavy’s progress. Thankfully I have people around me who remind me to hold that line when I feel myself starting to drift.
5. Never beg for reconciliation. Instead of clinging to lost hope, find someone you trust and talk through why letting go is hard.
I keep my focus on the betrayal — not to stay bitter, but to stay clear. I remind myself that I deserve someone who won’t treat a relationship like a revolving door. That’s enough to keep me from reaching out.
6. Don’t sleep with your ex. Let the break be clean.
Not an option anyway — I had already asked him to leave. But noted.
7. Don’t stalk his social media. It keeps you tethered to something that is no longer yours.
His new girlfriend had already blocked my access to his accounts, which honestly was a favor. The temptation was there, but the option was gone. Sometimes the universe makes the decision for you.
8. Don’t make drastic changes. No major haircuts. No tattoos. No big decisions made in the middle of grief. Wait until you’re back on your feet.
This one stopped me cold. I was this close to getting a tattoo with Xavy’s initial. And I still might — but not yet. Not while I’m still in the thick of it. The article is right: don’t kick yourself when you’re already down.
9. Never give up. He wasn’t the one. Don’t let one wrong relationship destroy your belief in the right one.
I’m not giving up. But I’m also not opening any doors right now — not while I’m still healing and my self-esteem is still finding its footing again. Maybe someday. For now, I’m focusing on Xavy and on becoming the version of myself I actually want to be.
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