Mindfulness without judgment

This photo took me back a few steps today. I shouldn’t have browsed through my photos. The photo made me sad, it brought a lot of what-ifs to the surface. I didn’t prepare myself for the wave of emotions when I saw this one. All the longing and the emptiness, that weird empty, and painful feeling in your stomach. And before you know it, tears won’t stop rolling.

That feeling when you’re with friends and they’re joking around and yes, you know they’re really trying hard to make you laugh and distract you but your mind keeps drifting back to him. That feeling does exist. I felt that when AQ brought us to McDonald’s together with the HR ladies. I thank God for AQ, he’s been an angel in keeping me distracted and busy just so I don’t go back to him.

I want to make today the last day I cry over him. I want today to be the day that I actually put a period in whatever I thought we had. I want today to be the day I stop hoping that he’ll come around. I need tomorrow to be the day I start to be just a colleague to him.

Yes, I miss him and I am so not over him. But mind over matter now. I need to. I tend to act based on my emotions. I need to have better control of them. So yes, I am sad and I terribly miss him but what can I do? He’s still not over what happened. Who knows if he ever will? But for now, I have to take care of myself.

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