I would like to believe that my personal opinion matters most but I am not in a really good place right now. As of the moment, my friends and family’s opinion matters. I don’t think I am seeing very clearly right now.
Yes I know that I couldn’t blame everything that happened on Primo. I am also responsible for letting it happen. Yes, we both have issues. I have to work on myself for now and he also has to work on himself. I would like to believe that I know most of my issues at least. Either way, what happened was a learning opportunity for both of us. I still refuse to believe that he is a bad person, yes he has issues but that does not mean he is evil. He has a good heart but he has issues, just like everyone else.
He’s right in some way. I have issues but he was not accurate in pointing out what it is. He thought I had trust issues but it’s not about the trust. I think it’s the fact that somewhere along the way, I lost the respect that I had for him. I already knew it was not going to work out but I went along with it. I knew that somewhere along the way, I was bound to explode. I fooled myself into believing that I could accept his flaws and imperfections. Eventually the little stuff I thought I could sweep under the rug started piling up until I exploded. And the worst part is I allowed my emotions to control me.
One of my priorities right now is to control my emotions. I should follow that damn 48 hour rule. I have to learn not to react right away. Mind over matter girl. But the more pressing matter is I have to know my worth. I allowed him to treat me that way because I didn’t know my worth. When he shouted at me in the mall ‘cause he suspected I was texting someone (honest to goodness, I really wasn’t), I should have stopped right there. I followed him around like a puppy and I thought that was love. I was desperate for love, for attention, for affection that even if I didn’t deserve to be treated that way, I was willing to take it.
I thought I was okay. Now I know I actually wasn’t okay. Too much issues girl.
Xavy & Mom 