Day 218

7 months, 6 days or 218 days since the crappiest breakup I ever had in my whole life, I rethink if I have really moved on. It’s not that I haven’t done this a thousand times since but today seems like a good day to do it again. I blame it on Jason Mraz’s newest album of love songs. While listening to his Love Someone, I tried so hard to feel if there’s still pain inside and I am glad that I can finally listen to love songs without bursting into tears.

And I reminisced good old times with him, sure we had a lot of good ones, and I’m happy that I don’t feel that emptiness deep within me anymore. I know I have not completely moved on coz I still avoid stuff that might possibly rub salt in the wound but I know I will get there someday. I know the day will come when I can look back at old photos without the fear that I might burst into tears again.

218 days since, our son is now 1 year, 7 months, 3 days old, I’m happy coz I know the day will come that I will find someone who I will love more than I loved him. There will come a day when I can actually look back and just laugh wholeheartedly at the things that Xavier and I went through.

No regrets, I don’t think of the time with him as wasted. Despite all the crappiness, it has made me a better if not a strong person, rethink my life’s purpose and my aspirations. I’m even thankful for the hours I spent just crying inside the comforts of my office, counsel and the words of comfort from friends and even strangers.

It hasn’t been easy and I don’t expect it to change anytime soon. Time will heal all these wounds and I know God’s plans are better than mine.

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