Day #41 – Reality kicking in

It’s been over a month since things went crappy between me and my son’s father. After reading a dozen (or more) articles on how to get through a breakup, it didn’t make things easier. I still haven’t found a shortcut. There’s just no skipping the process.

I’m on the part where I have come to accept that there’s just no going back anymore. Reality is slowly sinking in that he’s together with his second cousin and that he has chosen her over me and his son. I am letting all the pain sink in so when I reminisce I not only remember the good times but everything else. We did have good times but so did bad times. 13-year-old Rachel from the movie 500 Days of Summer was right (I am just assuming she’s that old coz she really looked like it), we weren’t meant to be and I needed to look hard and not only remember the good times.

So he’s moved on, this is now the part that I have got to deal with reality. I have a son to raise. He said he was going to transfer money before he takes off his international flight but nada. So I would have to assume that all he said about supporting his son financially is also gone with the wind. I now have to think about raising my son without a father in the picture.

I have doubts whether I can do it and truth be told, there are nights when I have regrets and I tell myself of so many what ifs. I have dozens of regrets, and I know I should not because I don’t want my son to feel that I regretted having him. It’s bad enough that his father left us hanging, I’m not that selfish that I will put myself on top of his well being. After all he did not ask to be born into this world just to be left alone. I look at him and I know that I have no choice but to suck it up and deal with it alone – him and me against the world.

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